What Is the ‘Sure You Can’ Pattern and Why Dad and mom Are Frightened

Dad and mom of younger women are elevating crimson flags in regards to the “Sure You Can” development popping up on TikTok. Actually, one mother is urging dad and mom to cease scrolling and listen. She says that whereas the posts are disguised as woman empowerment, they’re really one thing way more sinister—and the psychological well being professionals we spoke with agree.

“The ‘Sure You Can’ development is refined digital grooming disguised as woman empowerment,” says Noelani Sagapolutele, LCSW, founding father of Waʻa Collective and faculty social employee with the Hawaiʻi State Division of Training. “It makes use of affirming ‘sure you’ll be able to’ language to normalize harmful behaviors like sneaking out at 2 a.m. to satisfy older males, moving into strangers’ automobiles, sending inappropriate images, and dismissing parental steerage.”

This is what you’ll want to learn about this new TikTok development and what you are able to do about it.

What Is the ‘Sure You Can’ TikTok Pattern and Why Is It So Alarming?

Teenagers on TikTok are utilizing a viral audio clip of a tune with the lyrics “Sure you’ll be able to,” whereas principally women add textual content overlays with variations like “I am unable to date a 2007,” implying that another person is saying the individual born in that 12 months is simply too younger for them thus far. The teenager then lip syncs “sure you’ll be able to” and nods alongside within the video, as if pushing again in opposition to objection. A number of the beginning years proven are as latest as 2012—suggesting, alarmingly, that it is OK thus far somebody as younger as 13.

These movies are meant encourage others to push boundaries, says Tessa Stuckey, MA, LPC, a therapist and writer of For the Sake of Our Youth. “However dangerously blur the traces between confidence and recklessness. It’s unclear the place [this trend] began, however like many tendencies, it unfold shortly via viral soundbites and peer mimicry.”

The ‘Sure You Can’ development additionally brings a excessive degree of danger, together with the potential of on-line sexual solicitation, says Diane Lampkins, LSW, youngster abuse prevention coordinator at The Heart for Household Security and Therapeutic at Nationwide Youngsters’s Hospital.

“Any time there’s a marketing campaign geared toward glamorizing dangerous behaviors that confuses [a young person’s] intestine intuition in a truth-or-dare…vogue, we ought to be involved,” says Lampkins. “Younger folks could have issue assessing the hazard or danger of a problem, particularly in the event that they see a buddy posting, or reposting, related content material.”

Plus, it weaponizes empowerment language to bypass teenagers’ pure security instincts, says Sagapolutele. When women hear these messages, their creating brains course of this as validation, quite than recognizing it as grooming, she says.

How Predators Might Be Exploiting This Pattern 

These movies might also unknowingly exposing younger women to predators or adults with nefarious intentions. One involved TikToker highlighted how adults are following this content material—and even commenting on it.

“Lots of these strangers aren’t simply scrolling—they’re actively searching for out content material that includes younger women,” says Anamara Ritt-Olson, PhD, an affiliate professor within the Division of Well being, Society, & Conduct at UC Irvine’s Joe C. Wen Faculty of Inhabitants & Public Well being. “Some depart inappropriate feedback or save the movies to share elsewhere. Even when children suppose they’re simply having enjoyable, their posts can entice harmful consideration from adults with dangerous intentions, turning a seemingly harmless development right into a severe security danger.”

Specialists say these feedback and encouragement are a type of grooming. “This aligns completely with documented grooming patterns the place predators give youngsters the phantasm of management whereas manipulating them towards exploitation,” says Sagapolutele. “It is ‘reverse psychology’ grooming at scale.”

In line with Sagapolutele, fashionable grooming techniques more and more exploit tweens’ and teenagers’ pure want for empowerment and independence, making harmful behaviors seem as expressions of non-public company and maturity. “The development helps establish weak targets, normalizes dangerous interactions with older people, and creates communities the place boundary-pushing habits is well known.”

Psychological Influence on Younger Ladies

Like all adolescents, younger women crave belonging and identification, says Shari B. Kaplan, LCSW, an integrative trauma specialist and founding father of Cannectd Wellness. In a digital world the place likes and views are seen as validation, tendencies like this prey on that want, she says.

“Taking part could really feel like empowerment to them as a result of they’re in control of doing one thing ‘adult-like’ and impartial, exerting their feminine self,” says Kaplan. “However in actuality, it is usually masking deeper emotions of powerlessness, and a necessity for acknowledgment that they’re worthy of connection.”

This will create a false sense of belonging and result in a way of worthiness, says Kaplan. In the meantime, if their friends are difficult them with ‘Sure You Can’ posts, younger women could really feel pressured to show their independence or maturity by doing issues that would result in trauma, exploitation, or long-term psychological well being penalties, provides Stuckey. “It glorifies revolt whereas ignoring real-world security and emotional fallout.”

As soon as it’s all mentioned and executed, they could endure psychologically, even when they continue to be secure from bodily hurt, says Kaplan. “Within the aftermath of posting their dangerous behaviors, they could expertise disgrace, confusion round self-identity, and disorientation round self-boundaries, and belief in self and others.”

Suggestions for Dealing With This Pattern And Others Like It

Traits like these speed up unsafe behaviors, create digital footprints that may hang-out children later, and open the door to predators, says Stuckey. There must be stronger platform moderation and proactive digital literacy training at residence and in colleges. She provides the following tips for navigating TikTok and its tendency towards harmful tendencies and challenges:

• Begin with curiosity. Ask your youngster what they’ve seen, the way it makes them really feel, and in the event that they’ve ever felt pressured to affix in.
• Clarify how predators use tendencies. Assist them perceive that not everybody on-line has good intentions—and that grooming usually begins via “innocent” encouragement.
• Hold gadgets in shared areas. Keep away from whole surveillance, however promote transparency and device-free zones.
• Mannequin wholesome digital habits. Have open conversations explaining why you set boundaries and the way you employ your gadgets deliberately.
• Reinforce their actual price. Reward their essential considering, empathy, and braveness to reject unhealthy tendencies.
• Train your youngster the three-second rule. If one thing makes them pause, really feel bizarre, or query it, don’t have interaction—shut the app and speak to somebody about it.
• Hold the dialog going. It isn’t one large “speak,” however many small ones.
• Train them what true empowerment seems like. Empowerment comes from self-worth, security, and powerful values. Ladies usually tend to reject poisonous tendencies once they know what genuine empowerment seems like.

“There’s an important distinction between ‘Sure You Can’ and ‘Sure You Ought to,'” she says. “This development teaches women to equate functionality with decision-making—however actual empowerment is about understanding when to say no, even while you technically can say sure.”

Steps You Can Take to Shield Your Youngsters 

Retaining children secure on TikTok requires a complete method, says Sagapolutele. Use the platform’s Household Pairing options, together with day by day display deadlines, Restricted Mode content material filtering, computerized direct message controls for customers 13 to fifteen, and privateness settings that default to non-public accounts for customers underneath 16.

She additionally suggests combining these technical options with ongoing communication.
“Search for particular behavioral warning indicators, together with sudden secrecy about on-line actions, temper modifications after gadget use, sleep disruption, declining educational efficiency, and withdrawal from household actions. For content material crimson flags, acknowledge that harmful tendencies now embody empowerment-disguised content material that seems constructive however encourages dangerous habits.”

Additionally, deal with sustaining open communication the place your teen feels secure sharing their on-line experiences; and create a household media plan that ensures social media does not crowd out important actions like sleep, bodily exercise, and face-to-face relationships, says Sagapolutele.

“Most significantly, assist teenagers perceive that their creating brains make them significantly weak to manipulative content material, and that asking for steerage exhibits power, not weak spot,” she says. “The important thing message I need dad and mom to know is that this is not simply one other ‘harmful problem’. It is a refined type of manipulation.”